Professionalism during Personal Grief

Five. Between February and August of last year, I lost five loved ones. 

These losses took a lot out of me mentally and emotionally. Here is how I managed working through grief:

I did not manage well. I missed deadlines, I was delayed in responding to emails, and I down right ignored emails. 

Steps I took to get back on track:

1. I let my team know that I had experienced these losses and I would continue to do my best under the circumstances. Being too private about personal matters that may affect your performance can be a detriment to your success. I've seen some career advice that says "never let them see you cry" or "never let them see you sweat." If you set unrealistic expectations to your emotional responses to grief, your colleagues will set unrealistic expectations of you. These shared moments of humanity can foster confidence among the team and take some of the pressure off of you. 

2. I forgave myself for the mistakes. Mistakes happen even we are at our best. They are bound to happen when we are at our worst. If you do make mistakes, forgive yourself, then notify the impacted parties and correct them as quickly as possible. 

3. I took real time off. I took a week-long "staycation" to process and heal. I did not travel, run errands, or do chores I had been putting off. Often, we turn our vacations into unpaid work and we add to our stress. Instead, I did yoga, talked to my therapist, and wrote letters to my departed loved ones.  This week did not solve all of my problems, but it gave me much-needed space to work on some of them. 

4. I devoted increased time to family and friends. The people I love bring me peace and joy in a sometimes stressful and chaotic life. I was much more intentional about calling and talking to family and friends. So often in grief, we think to ourselves "If only I could call this person or hear this person's voice." Though I would not have the opportunity with those who transitioned, I used the experience as a reminder to connect with those I still have here.

Everyone experiences grief differently. It can have mental, emotional, and even physical consequences. As you go through grief, be kind and forgiving to yourself. Communication is the most important element of balancing your work life with this deeply intimate and challenging element of your personal life.